"Felix," said the countess, "do not make a mistake. My aunt's old room is now Madeleine's. Yours is over the count's."Though guilty, I had a heart; those words were dagger thrusts coldly given at its tenderest spot, for which she seemed to aim. Moral sufferings are not fixed quantities; they depend on the sensitiveness of souls. The countess had trod each round of the ladder of pain; but, for that very reason, the kindest of women was now as cruel as she was once beneficent. I looked at Henriette, but she averted her head. Iwent to my new room, which was pretty, white and green. Once there Iburst into tears. Henriette heard me as she entered with a bunch of flowers in her hand.
"Henriette," I said, "will you never forgive a wrong that is indeed excusable?""Do not call me Henriette," she said. "She no longer exists, poor soul; but you may feel sure of Madame de Mortsauf, a devoted friend, who will listen to you and who will love you. Felix, we will talk of these things later. If you have still any tenderness for me let me grow accustomed to seeing you. Whenever words will not rend my heart, if the day should ever come when I recover courage, I will speak to you, but not till then. Look at the valley," she said, pointing to the Indre, "it hurts me, I love it still.""Ah, perish England and all her women! I will send my resignation to the king; I will live and die here, pardoned.""No, love her; love that woman! Henriette is not. This is no play, and you should know it."She left the room, betraying by the tone of her last words the extent of her wounds. I ran after her and held her back, saying, "Do you no longer love me?""You have done me more harm than all my other troubles put together.
To-day I suffer less, therefore I love you less. Be kind; do not increase my pain; if you suffer, remember that--I--live."She withdrew her hand, which I held, cold, motionless, but moist, in mine, and darted like an arrow through the corridor in which this scene of actual tragedy took place.
At dinner, the count subjected me to a torture I had little expected.
"So the Marchioness of Dudley is not in Paris?" he said.
I blushed excessively, but answered, "No."
"She is not in Tours," continued the count.
"She is not divorced, and she can go back to England. Her husband would be very glad if she would return to him," I said, eagerly.
"Has she children?" asked Madame de Mortsauf, in a changed voice.
"Two sons," I replied.
"Where are they?"
"In England, with their father."
"Come, Felix," interposed the count; "be frank; is she as handsome as they say?""How can you ask him such a question?" cried the countess. "Is not the woman you love always the handsomest of women?""Yes, always," I said, firmly, with a glance which she could not sustain.
"You are a happy fellow," said the count; "yes, a very happy one. Ha! in my young days, I should have gone mad over such a conquest--""Hush!" said Madame de Mortsauf, reminding the count of Madeleine by a look.
"I am not a child," he said.
When we left the table I followed the countess to the terrace. When we were alone she exclaimed, "How is it possible that some women can sacrifice their children to a man? Wealth, position, the world, I can conceive of; eternity? yes, possibly; but children! deprive one's self of one's children!""Yes, and such women would give even more if they had it; they sacrifice everything."The world was suddenly reversed before her, her ideas became confused.
The grandeur of that thought struck her; a suspicion entered her mind that sacrifice, immolation justified happiness; the echo of her own inward cry for love came back to her; she stood dumb in presence of her wasted life. Yes, for a moment horrible doubts possessed her; then she rose, grand and saintly, her head erect.
"Love her well, Felix," she said, with tears in her eyes; "she shall be my happy sister. I will forgive her the harm she has done me if she gives you what you could not have here. You are right; I have never told you that I loved you, and I never have loved you as the world loves. But if she is a mother how can she love you so?""Dear saint," I answered, "I must be less moved than I am now, before I can explain to you how it is that you soar victoriously above her.
