登陆注册
5410300000010

第10章

But until this very day,two hopes had been left to sustain her.She had hoped that the war being over,life would gradually resume its old face.She had hoped that Ashley's return would bring back some meaning into life.Now both hopes were gone.The sight of Jonas Wilkerson in the front walk of Tara had made her realize that for her,for the whole South,the war would never end.The bitterest fighting,the most brutal retaliations,were just beginning.And Ashley was imprisoned forever by words which were stronger than any jail.

Peace had failed her and Ashley had failed her,both in the same day,and it was as if the last crevice in the shell had been sealed,the final layer hardened.She had become what Grandma Fontaine had counseled against,a woman who had seen the worst and so had nothing else to fear.Not life nor Mother nor loss of love nor public opinion.Only hunger and her nightmare dream of hunger could make her afraid.

A curious sense of lightness,of freedom,pervaded her now that she had finally hardened her heart against all that bound her to the old days and the old Scarlett.She had made her decision and,thank God,she wasn't afraid.She had nothing to lose and her mind was made up.

If she could only coax Rhett into marrying her,all would be perfect.But if she couldn't—well,she'd get the money just the same.For a brief moment she wondered with impersonal curiosity what would be expected of a mistress.Would Rhett insist on keeping her in Atlanta as people said he kept the Watling woman?If he made her stay in Atlanta,he'd have to pay well—pay enough to balance what her absence from Tara would be worth.Scarlett was very ignorant of the hidden side of men's lives and had no way of knowing just what the arrangement might involve.And she wondered if she would have a baby.That would be distinctly terrible.

“I won't think of that now.I'll think of it later,”and she pushed the unwelcome idea into the back of her mind lest it shake her resolution.She'd tell the family tonight she was going to Atlanta to try to borrow money,to try to mortgage the farm if necessary.That would be all they needed to know until such an evil day when they might find out differently.

With the thought of action,her head went up and her shoulders went back.This affair was not going to be easy,she knew.Formerly,it had been Rhett who asked for her favors and she who held the power.Now she was the beggar and a beggar in no position to dictate terms.

“But I won't go to him like a beggar.I'll go like a queen granting favors.He'll never know.”

She walked to the long pier glass and looked at herself,her head held high.And she saw framed in the cracking gilt molding a stranger.It was as if she were really seeing herself for the first time in a year.She had glanced in the mirror every morning to see that her face was clean and her hair tidy but she had always been too pressed by other things to really see herself.But this stranger!Surely this thin hollow-cheeked woman couldn't be Scarlett O'Hara!Scarlett O'Hara had a pretty,coquettish,high-spirited face.This face at which she stared was not pretty at all and had none of the charm she remembered so well.It was white and strained and the black brows above slanting green eyes swooped up startlingly against the white skin like frightened bird's wings.There was a hard and hunted look about this face.

“I'm not pretty enough to get him!”she thought and desperation came back to her.“I'm thin—oh,I'm terribly thin!”

She patted her cheeks,felt frantically at her collar bones,feeling them stand out through her basque.And her breasts were so small,almost as small as Melanie's.She'd have to put ruffles in her bosom to make them look larger and she had always had contempt for girls who resorted to such subterfuges.Ruffles!That brought up another thought.Her clothes.She looked down at her dress,spreading its mended folds wide between her hands.Rhett liked women who were well dressed,fashionably dressed.She remembered with longing the flounced green dress she had worn when she first came out of mourning,the dress she wore with the green plumed bonnet he had brought her and she recalled the approving compliments he had paid her.She remembered,too,with hate sharpened by envy the red plaid dress,the red-topped boots with tassels and the pancake hat of Emmie Slattery.They were gaudy but they were new and fashionable and certainly they caught the eye.And,oh,how she wanted to catch the eye!Especially the eye of Rhett Butler!If he should see her in her old clothes,he'd know everything was wrong at Tara.And he must not know.

What a fool she had been to think she could go to Atlanta and have him for the asking,she with her scrawny neck and hungry cat eyes and raggedy dress!If she hadn't been able to pry a proposal from him at the height of her beauty,when she had her prettiest clothes,how could she expect to get one now when she was ugly and dressed tackily?If Miss Pitty's story was true,he must have more money than anyone in Atlanta and probably had his pick of all the pretty ladies,good and bad.Well,she thought grimly,I've got something that most pretty ladies haven't got—and that's a mind that's made up.And if I had just one nice dress—

There wasn't a nice dress in Tara or a dress which hadn't been turned twice and mended.

“That's that,”she thought,disconsolately looking down at the floor.She saw Ellen's moss-green velvet carpet,now worn and scuffed and torn and spotted from the numberless men who had slept upon it,and the sight depressed her more,for it made her realize that Tara was just as ragged as she.The whole darkening room depressed her and,going to the window,she raised the sash,unlatched the shutters and let the last light of the wintry sunset into the room.She closed the window and leaned her head against the velvet curtains and looked out across the bleak pasture toward the dark cedars of the burying ground.

同类推荐
  • 寻找人生的坐标(英文爱藏双语系列)

    寻找人生的坐标(英文爱藏双语系列)

    本书汇聚了众多励志佳作,通过这小短小精悍的美文,潜移默化中让读者明白自己的位置,如何寻找到自己的位置,定位自己,是一部不可多得的励志双语读物。
  • The Parson's Daughter of Oxney Colne

    The Parson's Daughter of Oxney Colne

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流
  • 商务英语网络900句典

    商务英语网络900句典

    本书分为网络与商务、网际遨游、电子商务基础、电子商务、电子商务安全、网络知识、附录七大部分。每一章的背景知识以中英文对照的方式出现,让读者对本章内容有清晰的理解。文中提供大量的典型范例,可以快速提高读者对商务网络用语、常见问答的熟悉程度,方便记忆,易于读者掌握运用。
  • 用英语介绍中国这里是广州

    用英语介绍中国这里是广州

    外国人面前,你能否用一口流利的英文介绍自己所在的城市呢?走出国门,你是否能够让更多的外国人了解广州灿烂悠久的文化?本书为读者奉上原汁原味的人文阅读精华,详细介绍了人们最感兴趣的广州历史文化、城市风景、广州生活、名人逸事等,带您全方位地了解广州。读者在学习英语的同时,又能品味这座南方文化名城的独特魅力。
  • The Oriental Express 东方哈达:中国青藏铁路全景实录

    The Oriental Express 东方哈达:中国青藏铁路全景实录

    《东方哈达:中国青藏铁路全景实录》采取“上行列车”与“下行列车”交错并行的叙述结构,把历史和现实贯穿在了一起。讲述了孙中山、毛泽东、邓小平、江泽民在修建青藏铁路上的决策细节、青藏铁路修筑中的难题以及筑路人鲜为人知的故事。
热门推荐
  • 位面争途

    位面争途

    位面间的战争,神与人的协同,虚空生物和物质生物的交流,不同位面文明间的碰撞。侵入这个位面,让所有生灵在位面的黄昏中颤抖,让敢于反抗的位面神明匍匐。斗气与魔法纵横,冷热武器各显锋芒,各职业者的一场竞技。不同的位面文明,在一次次战争交流中联合,金属文明,斗气文明,修真文明,乃至巫师,骑士、天使、恶魔...
  • 益部方物略记

    益部方物略记

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 舞娘妈咪(完)

    舞娘妈咪(完)

    无限好书尽在阅文。
  • 综漫之命中注定

    综漫之命中注定

    传说神爱世人,所以在人临死之前神会听到人的一个愿望并在下一世为人实现它。而如果这个传说是真的话,那当感知到死亡临近时我就只有一个愿望,那就是:‘请不要再让我有下一世了!’
  • 坑爹穿越,宅女要翻天

    坑爹穿越,宅女要翻天

    宅女聂小倩玩了一款,名为《倩女幽魂前传》的山寨游戏,莫名的穿越到了游戏之中,这里没有黑山老妖,没有姥姥,有的只有一个腹黑帅气的宰相慕紫风,与一个伶牙俐齿,古灵精怪的聂小倩,以及他们一众的伙伴,一起上演着一幕幕,啼笑皆非,又感人至深的,亘古篇章。【情节虚构,请勿模仿】
  • 真龙气1

    真龙气1

    民初,张天师携子南下寻找真龙气,引出一场千古未有的奇事。民国第一相士袁度,为何隐居江南小镇?化外奇人蓝云天,为何踏足中原?天师传人之争,六十三代天师究竟谁来执掌?天下龙脉精华,真龙气究竟在何处?一切的一切,尽在《真龙气》。
  • 史前世纪:梦回的故乡(青少年科学探索营)

    史前世纪:梦回的故乡(青少年科学探索营)

    本书介绍了远古的计算机、奇妙的史前壁画、不可思议的史前艺术、撒哈拉沙漠壁画、奥克洛原子反应堆、玛雅蓝色涂料之谜、神秘的水晶头盖骨、千年冰封坟墓之谜、最早的宇航飞船之谜、神秘的复活节岛石像、直刺蓝天的金字塔等内容。
  • 天火大道

    天火大道

    天火大道是一条长达两千零四十八米的街道,这里有着一百六十八间店铺,每一位店铺的主人,都是一位强大的异能者。绰号宙斯的佣兵界之王,因为妻子在意外中身亡隐居于天火大道。他的店铺,就叫做:宙斯珠宝店。在天火大道,他被称之为:珠宝师。【突破自我,神王无敌,唐门所出,必为精品】
  • 苍穹神变

    苍穹神变

    无尽玄域,浩渺空间,无数位面交汇,强者如林,高手如云。南宫家族遗子南宫炎为报族仇,浴血修炼,身具神罚,天地威严,谁人能挡?神罚出,天地威严,四方风云异动。神罚降,万恶俱灭,八方妖邪诛灭。谁是谁生命中的过客?谁是谁生命的转轮?前世的尘,今世的风,无穷无尽哀伤的精魂,掩藏不住那心灵深处的沧桑。待你白发苍苍,我会依然如此,执子之手,倾世温柔……
  • 拒爱:公主vs王子

    拒爱:公主vs王子

    两个人因在沙滩上的奇遇而邂逅!3年后!他们在同一所学校相遇!她,司徒静琳,很平凡!而他,欧唯熙,是一个多金,很帅的花心王子!他们相恋了,爱得无法自拔!