On the evening of the fifth November his thoughts of Eustacia were intense.Echoes from those past times when they had exchanged tender words all the day long came like the diffused murmur of a seashore left miles behind.
"Surely," he said, "she might have brought herself to communicate with me before now, and confess honestly what Wildeve was to her."Instead of remaining at home that night he determined to go and see Thomasin and her husband.If he found opportunity he would allude to the cause of the separation between Eustacia and himself, keeping silence, however, on the fact that there was a third person in his house when his mother was turned away.If it proved that Wildeve was innocently there he would doubtless openly mention it.
If he were there with unjust intentions Wildeve, being a man of quick feeling, might possibly say something to reveal the extent to which Eustacia was compromised.
But on reaching his cousin's house he found that only Thomasin was at home, Wildeve being at that time on his way towards the bonfire innocently lit by Charley at Mistover.
Thomasin then, as always, was glad to see Clym, and took him to inspect the sleeping baby, carefully screening the candlelight from the infant's eyes with her hand.
"Tamsin, have you heard that Eustacia is not with me.
now?" he said when they had sat down again.
"No," said Thomasin, alarmed.
"And not that I have left Alderworth?"
"No.I never hear tidings from Alderworth unless you bring them.What is the matter?"Clym in a disturbed voice related to her his visit to Susan Nunsuch's boy, the revelation he had made, and what had resulted from his charging Eustacia with having wilfully and heartlessly done the deed.
He suppressed all mention of Wildeve's presence with her.
"All this, and I not knowing it!" murmured Thomasin in an awestruck tone, "Terrible! What could have made her--O, Eustacia! And when you found it out you went in hot haste to her? Were you too cruel?--or is she really so wicked as she seems?""Can a man be too cruel to his mother's enemy?""I can fancy so."
"Very well, then--I'll admit that he can.But now what is to be done?""Make it up again--if a quarrel so deadly can ever be made up.I almost wish you had not told me.
But do try to be reconciled.There are ways, after all, if you both wish to.""I don't know that we do both wish to make it up,"said Clym."If she had wished it, would she not have sent to me by this time?""You seem to wish to, and yet you have not sent to her.""True; but I have been tossed to and fro in doubt if I ought, after such strong provocation.To see me now, Thomasin, gives you no idea of what I have been;of what depths I have descended to in these few last days.
O, it was a bitter shame to shut out my mother like that!
Can I ever forget it, or even agree to see her again?""She might not have known that anything serious would come of it, and perhaps she did not mean to keep Aunt out altogether.""She says herself that she did not.But the fact remains that keep her out she did.""Believe her sorry, and send for her."
"How if she will not come?"
"It will prove her guilty, by showing that it is her habit to nourish enmity.But I do not think that for a moment.""I will do this.I will wait for a day or two longer--not longer than two days certainly; and if she does not send to me in that time I will indeed send to her.
I thought to have seen Wildeve here tonight.Is he from home?"Thomasin blushed a little."No," she said."He is merely gone out for a walk.""Why didn't he take you with him? The evening is fine.
You want fresh air as well as he."
"Oh, I don't care for going anywhere; besides, there is baby.""Yes, yes.Well, I have been thinking whether I should not consult your husband about this as well as you,"said Clym steadily.
"I fancy I would not," she quickly answered."It can do no good."Her cousin looked her in the face.No doubt Thomasin was ignorant that her husband had any share in the events of that tragic afternoon; but her countenance seemed to signify that she concealed some suspicion or thought of the reputed tender relations between Wildeve and Eustacia in days gone by.
Clym, however, could make nothing of it, and he rose to depart, more in doubt than when he came.
"You will write to her in a day or two?" said the young woman earnestly."I do so hope the wretched separation may come to an end.""I will," said Clym; "I don't rejoice in my present state at all."And he left her and climbed over the hill to Blooms-End.
Before going to bed he sat down and wrote the following letter:--MY DEAR EUSTACIA,--I must obey my heart without consulting my reason too closely.Will you come back to me? Do so, and the past shall never be mentioned.I was too severe;but O, Eustacia, the provocation! You don't know, you never will know, what those words of anger cost me which you drew down upon yourself.All that an honest man can promise you I promise now, which is that from me you shall never suffer anything on this score again.
After all the vows we have made, Eustacia, I think we had better pass the remainder of our lives in trying to keep them.Come to me, then, even if you reproach me.
I have thought of your sufferings that morning on which Iparted from you; I know they were genuine, and they are as much as you ought to bear.Our love must still continue.
Such hearts as ours would never have been given us but to be concerned with each other.I could not ask you back at first, Eustacia, for I was unable to persuade myself that he who was with you was not there as a lover.
But if you will come and explain distracting appearances I do not question that you can show your honesty to me.
Why have you not come before? Do you think I will not listen to you? Surely not, when you remember the kisses and vows we exchanged under the summer moon.
Return then, and you shall be warmly welcomed.
I can no longer think of you to your prejudice--I am but too much absorbed in justifying you.--Your husband as ever,CLYM.
