For Pearl, who lived just long enough to see me through this — K.L.
It was a particularly uneventful afternoon in at least one house on the road to Dullsville. To say that it was particularly uneventful is saying a lot, as this house was occupied by none other than the Bland Sisters, Jaundice and Kale.
You might tell the Bland Sisters apart in several ways.
First, Jaundice prefers to dress in gray, while Kale favors brown.
Second, Kale wears her hair parted on the side, while Jaundice parts hers in the middle.
Third, Jaundice is left-handed while Kale is right-handed.
Fourth, Kale is seldom seen without her backpack, in which she currently carries Tillie's Tips, a worn little paperback featuring page after page of housekeeping advice, supplemented with helpful (if slightly dated) black-and-white illustrations. Kale came across this particular title at the Port Innastorm Library several weeks ago and has already renewed it twice. She finds Tillie's Tips incredibly helpful—and, of course, she finds comfort in knowing that there is someone out there who is more obsessed with cleaning than she is.
Fifth, Jaundice is known to wear a smock featuring an inordinate number of pockets. She tends to pop items in her pockets at random, providing herself with such treasures as a lone shoelace, two or three paper clips, a handful of clothespins, and a slightly damp kitchen sponge. Jaundice does not always remember to empty her pockets before her smock goes into the wash, much to the continued chagrin of Kale, who does the laundry.
Other than these few distinctions, the Bland Sisters are just about the same.
Jaundice and Kale pride themselves on their exacting routine. After breakfast (plain oatmeal with skim milk, a cup of weak, tepid tea on the side) they tend to their business of darning other people's socks, which takes the better part of the day. Each allows herself one ten-minute break, during which she eats a cheese sandwich on day-old bread (or hardtack biscuits, thanks to a recipe the Bland Sisters recently acquired) and drinks a glass of flat soda while gazing out the window, watching the grass grow.
The Bland Sisters look forward most to the evenings, when they entertain themselves by thinking of numbers divisible by three then staring at the wallpaper until they fall asleep. Not long ago, they enjoyed the nighttime ritual of reading a dictionary aloud to each other; since that dictionary left their possession, they have decided to broaden their horizons.
It should be mentioned that Jaundice and Kale have parents. Evidently, they are adventurers of some sort and send the Bland Sisters accounts of their travels whenever they can get to a mailbox. This is fine with Jaundice and Kale, as they much prefer reading about adventures to actually having them. And besides, they are sure their parents will return any day now. Certainly, one can only be away from the comforts and routines of home for so long.
In any event, not only was nothing happening to the Bland Sisters on this particular day, it seemed as if less than nothing was happening. Their business of darning other people's socks had been slow that week, so Jaundice and Kale had already finished mending the few they'd been given. The daily oatmeal and weak, tepid tea and cheese sandwiches and flat soda had been consumed, the grass-growing had been observed, and the Bland Sisters were several hours away from bedtime and its accompanying rituals. Nevertheless, they succeeded in passing the time; Jaundice found solace in tying knots in a piece of string (knots had become her new hobby, ever since the Bland Sisters had been tied up by their toes and nearly keelhauled by pirates), and Kale occupied herself with her favorite of all chores: cleaning the bathroom, which she accomplished with her implement of choice, an old toothbrush.
It was in the middle of scrubbing the inside of the toilet tank that Kale suddenly dropped the aforementioned toothbrush. Normally, this sort of mishap would cause her to cry out, as no one, not even a Bland Sister, wants to have to reach into the murky waters of a toilet tank to retrieve anything. But in this case, Kale was too preoccupied to make any sort of noise.
"Jaundice?" she finally called out to her sister.
"Yes, Kale?" Jaundice replied, working on a particularly difficult knot.
"I'm having a Feeling," Kale announced.
Jaundice sighed, looking up at the ceiling. Her sister was always having Feelings. It was very trying. Not so long ago, Kale had a Feeling, and the Bland Sisters were subsequently kidnapped by the aforementioned pirates, forced into menial labor, and stranded (if only temporarily) on a deserted island. Sometimes, Jaundice wished her sister would keep her Feelings to herself.
"Did you hear me?" Kale asked, emerging from the bathroom.
"I heard you," said Jaundice. "So what kind of Feeling are we talking about this time?"
"I'm having a Feeling something's about to happen," said Kale.
"And what happened after you started having this Feeling?" Jaundice asked.
Kale thought for a moment. "I dropped my toothbrush into the toilet tank," she said.
"A toothbrush in the toilet tank," said Jaundice. "That is quite a happening."
"I don't think that's it," said Kale, closing her eyes.
"And why not?" asked Jaundice.
"Because I'm still having the Feeling," said Kale.
"Is the toothbrush still in the toilet tank?" asked Jaundice.
Kale nodded.
"Well, there you go," said her sister. "You'd better go fish it out."
"What a relief," said Kale, rolling up one sleeve. "I was really starting to think something more serious was going to happen. You know, like last time. With the pirates."
"Perish the thought," said Jaundice, getting up from the couch. "I'm going to go out to the mailbox."
"But today's my turn to get the mail," said Kale.
"Given where your hands have been all afternoon," her sister said, "I think you should sit this one out."
"Good idea," said Kale. Jaundice was almost always right.
